Puns
1. Why did the coffee go to therapy? Because it was feeling a little jittery!
2. Why did the baker go to the bank? He needed dough!
3. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi!
4. Why did the cat join a band? Because he wanted to be a purr-cussionist!
5. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!
Sarcastic Jokes
1. Oh great, just what I needed, another meeting to add to my busy schedule of doing nothing.
2. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
3. I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
4. I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours.
5. I'm not late, I'm just fashionably delayed.
One-Liners
1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
3. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
4. Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish.
5. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
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